


Funny Valentine

by Malhearst



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, College AU, Gen, Snark, Valentine's Day, not entirely in-charatcer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-05
Updated: 2016-03-05
Packaged: 2018-05-24 21:22:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6167281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Malhearst/pseuds/Malhearst
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just another friday bar, told from the perspective of Sirius.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Funny Valentine

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by [The_Nebula](https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Nebula/pseuds/The_Nebula) in the [HPprompts](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/HPprompts) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
> 
> Write about some other way these two could have met.  
> It can be in any universe  
> Bonus if the marauders are involved somehow

”Yup, that will be two- yes, thank you.”

         A couple of coins dumped into his outstretched hand, and Sirius Black quickly allowed them to fall into the designated slot, clinking. The guy in front of him had asked for a common, bottled beer, and swirling around to head for the fridge, his eyes fell on a familiar figure by the door. He lit up in a big smile and waved his hand as her eyes locked on his own, and she quickly returned the gesture.

         Grabbing a beer and returning it to the unknown customer, he patted Marcus on the shoulder, saying, ”I'll be right back.” Then he crabbed sideways out behind the bar to bestow a short kiss on the cheek of the solitary figure who'd only just entered.

         ”Heey, darling,” he greeted her affably, his voice like melting butter. Holding her at arm's length, he said, ”You look stunning.”

         And so she did. Lily had the extraordinary gift of being able to tuck a t-shirt into a couple of high-waisted trousers and look elegant, so coupled with the evening's theme, she was absolutely radiating. With red hair that fell to below her waist and a short, doll-like dress in some blue hue (- girls always knew the exact word for everything, and Black had always found it convenient to let them take responsibility for keeping their own traditions -), coupled with lace (that was lace, wasn't it?), that perfectly framed her figure, she was an obvious incarnation of 'a cinnamon roll, too good for the world, too pure', or however that went. Her face was painted white, her nails black, and a bow was perched on the top of her head.

         ”What are you supposed to be?”

         His chuckle rang loudly and abruptly as her fist pounded on his chest playfully. As she walked on to meet some of the others, he rubbed the sore skin. He'd been laughing more at the fire in her eyes; she had an incredible strength for such a small girl.

         Then again, everyone was small when you were 1.93 metres tall.

         ”She used to kickbox, you know.” Camilla, the matron saint (or perhaps just the matron) of the bar stood leaned up against the bar disk, a hand on her hip and a smug smile on her face.

         ”Did she really?” Sirius said slowly, pretending to scour through the crowd for the girl, ”And how do you know?”

         Camilla shrugged, filling up a pint of lager, her curvacious body swaying slightly. Of course she didn't know, because who remembered such things? Sirius had mostly wanted her to shut up because he had no better answer.

         With no one currently purchasing anything, he looked at the crowd gathered there. There were quite a few, but then again, they were the biggest campus bar in the area, and everyone loved Fastelavn. They'd decided not to follow American standards, because Halloween had begun looking more like an excuse to dress up as bedroom fantasies in their later years, so they saved dressing up for the 7th of February instead.

         Well, at least that was what Camilla said. Personally, Sirius wouldn't have minded a couple of skimpy outfits, but she was the boss.

 Around the place hung violet streamers for seemingly no reason in particular. Peter had been in charge of buying decorations and Sirius had a sneaking suspicion he might have bought pink streamers for the Valentine's Day Bar next week and been just lazy enough to pull the same ploy with another colour for this bar.

 Luckily, he was on vacation, skiing with his family: Marcus had not looked pleased.

         ”Have you got the key for the storage?” a slow, almost drowsy voice came from beside him. Turning his head, Sirius smiled at Remus, the for-one-night-only Jesus-lookalike he called a friend. The two of them locked eyes and hooked arms around waist and shoulders as if on cue, giving each other a tight squeeze.

         Looking down, Sirius noticed he'd taken off the sandals.

         ”Marlene borrowed them half an hour ago,” he said, pointing to his girlfriend, who was chatting away idly at the table nearest to them. The girls from their course who actually came to the themed bars always seemed to stick together, and tonight was no exception.

         It also looked like Lily hadn't gotten very far with her hello's, as she was still stuck in conversation with them. At the moment, she was leaning in casually with her hand gripping the back of one of the chairs and another hand at her hip, not unlike Camilla a couple of seconds before. One of the girls must have complimented her on the costume, because she looked down herself in an affected manner and smiled.

         Her lips weren't moving, though, and Sirius felt a tug in the side of his mouth. He knew she wasn't very good at handling compliments, even if most people felt inclined to bestow them generously. Even commenting on her inability to take a compliment, she would simply shrug and change the subject.

         ”Can you two not go get the keg in the sto-”

         ”On our way!” Remus exclaimed hurriedly when Marcus decided, clearly for the second or perhaps even third time, to remind everyone else that there was work to do and that it wasn't his turn to do it. Extracting themselves from the half-embrace they'd so far been engaged in, the two guys ambled towards the storage room. The door that separated the bar from the small backroom was heavy oak painted green, made to fit the rest of the dark premises; they'd put up lamps and lanterns all over the place but to little avail.

         Sirius shrugged, thinking to himself that it might be fitting, considering the theme.

         ”Oi, Black!” someone called from behind, and he lingered, telling Remus he'd be right in.

         ”Mull, what's up?” Towards him trudged a short, bespecled guy who looked like a younger version of a stereotypical father; moustache and accountant attire. Sirius Mull had a funny, slightly forward-bent way of walking when he was excited about something, and though he was almost as skinny as Sirius himself, he would walk with his arms held from his torso and his fists clenched, as if he'd just been assigned a wrestling partner.

         To everyone else, they were known as Mull and Black, their matching first names making it rather confusing whenever someone decided not to.

         The only one he knew to call them both Sirius was Lily.

         ”We've been challenged.” A thumb over his shoulder indicated the football table, and Mull smirked sleepily, as if they could win it with their eyes closed. Sirius stretched his neck to see the challengers but found no one waiting there.

         ”By who?”

         Mull's smile dissipated as if he was about to correct Sirius's grammar, but evidently thought better of it in the end.

         ”Wrist and Kim.”

         Sirius raised an eyebrow. Wrist was a pretty big guy with red hair and a mean right-turn. He wasn't certain he would be able to defend against him.

         ”Then I play offence?” he asked Mull, who quickly bobbed his head up and down a couple of times.

         ”Of course.”

         Searching, then, through the crowd to get a glimpse of Kim and exactly how drunk she was by now, Sirius smiled, satisfied, as he saw her stumbling over a guy she'd had a crush on for several months and spill her beer.

         ”Ha, fine. Give me five.”

         Mull nodded and turned towards the table to prepare the opponents. Meanwhile, Sirius felt something rolling up against his leg and looking down, he saw Remus pushing the keg in front of him. The blond Jesus looked up and smiled mischievously.

         ”If Marcus finds out...”

         Remus shrugged, indicating he'd thought that far and decided to deal with the consequences. A surreptitious glance at the bar, finding it empty of Marcus, and Sirius bent down to help his friend. As they entered behind the bar, Camilla stooped over them immediately.

         ”That looks dangerous, guys.” The smile was evident in her voice, and mock-exasperated, Sirius replied without looking up, ”We could use a hand.”

         Together, the three of them hoisted up the keg, attached it and clapped their hands in an effort to remove the nonexistent dust of their labours from their hands. Just then, Marcus entered the bar, throwing a cursory look at the exchanged keg, and said simply, ”Good.”

         Then he went to serve a customer, while Sirius and Remus exchanged a look.

         ”Hey Black, we're up.”

         Without needing to look, Sirius shuffled towards the table at the other end of the room. A small crowd was gathered at one of the other tables to watch an ongoing beer pong session. Catching glimpse of Marlene, he waved quickly, caught her smile and continued to look over the crowd. His girlfriend was now standing only with her best friend, Marie, and some of the other guys from their course. Lily was also an audience to the thrilling game unwrapping between Jack and James on one end and Oliver and David on the other, but she was standing against the wall, her eyes intent on the ball.

         Just as he turned away, he heard her give a cry of disappointment as the ball ended in one of the plastic cups belonging to Oliver and David, judging by the groans. He heard Marie laugh about something, and suddenly their own game was afoot.

         The match was only just won, and they broke up after shaking hands, when the beer pong table exploded with motion and sound. Everyone in the backend of the room turned to see what was going on, but it was very evident that Oliver and David had just lost. Behind him, he could hear Mull's cackling and in front of him, Marlene was making her way towards him through the crowd, Marie in tow.

         ”Hey you,” he said, admitting her into his arms. Sharing a short kiss, he looked at her big, dark doe-eyes behind the glasses and stroked her hair. The sounds from the beer pong table continued, and Sirius smiled as he looked up, saying, ”I'm assuming Jack and James won?”

         ”Yeah,” Marlene replied with a husky voice, ”Lily wasn't very satisfied.”

         ”Lily? Why, what does she care?”

         ”Well, you know how she always bets on the winner?” Marie chimed in from behind, stepping closer to the couple. Sirius turned Marlene to stand beside him, slinging an arm around her shoulder so they could both face Marie.

         ”Yeah, she's pretty good at pegging who's going to win.”

         ”Well, this time she bet something on it – I'm not actually sure what it was?” Marie's eyebrows furrowed, turning to Marlene with a questioning look on her face.

         ”She promised she'd kiss him if she was wrong,” Marlene said slyly, laughter bubbling on her tongue.

         ”Who, Jack?” Sirius said pretending not to understand, stretching his neck to try to look as if he was testing his own hypothesis. Jack was a stumped, short guy, possibly Lily's height if not shorter, with a waning hairline and such a propensity to get drunk that it had grown boring to talk of his escapades.

         He couldn't really imagine Jack ask for a kiss, much less Lily give it.

         ”No, James,” Marie said excitedly, as if she'd just delivered the news of the year, and the two girls shared a giggle.

         Sirius broke off his search for Lily shortly to shoot them both a look, then returned to find her leaned up against the wall in a defensive stance, James leaning towards her with one hand on the wall beside her. They were both smiling, but for now they were just talking.

         If he knew Lily right, she wouldn't be going down without a fight, and at the moment she was probably feeding him a string of cattish comments, just to punch in a last spoon of sass.

         ”Well,” Sirius said after a while, returning to his own conversation, ”It looks like he's finally getting his prize. Lily doesn't usually slink out of her own bets.”

         ”Not like she'd want to anyway,” Marlene muttered amusingly under her breath, and she and Marie locked eyes. Sirius simply pretended not to have heard. Lily wasn't exactly the kind of girl to be frilly with her reputation; in fact, he wasn't sure he'd ever seen her kiss anyone, and she _had_ been telling James _no_ for a few years. However, both James and she had gone through a certain transition; James had started listening, Sirius knew, to her insults, trying to figure out what she wanted, he'd come down to earth from his seven heavens. She, in turn, had started blushing, smiling instead of throwing curse words at him and, Sirius was almost certain, had done her hair up for him at least once.

 She'd been driving James crazy for years with her presence.

         Lily came, danced and sometimes stuck around to help clean the place. Then she went home and did God-knew-what with her time until next Friday when they would all be together again.

         Usually, the people Sirius hung around with met at the university, studying in the study areas and eating lunch together. Lola, one of Lily's best friends, he knew everything about without even asking; she was so eager to talk of everything she'd seen on YouTube that week and every conversation she'd had with anyone who'd humour her enough to listen, and she was always there. They'd grown good friends, he and Lola, although she'd seemed surly of late, which annoyed him a bit.

         Passive aggression didn't sit well with him. If she had a problem, she'd have to come talk to him.

         As if on cue, he caught sight of her. The three of them had started down towards the bar, because he was technically still on duty, and at one of the tables stood Lola, looking over a crowd playing Cheat with both her hands on the table. As they passed, she waved excitedly at Marie, then, noticing him, less excited at him and Marlene.

         Sirius gritted his teeth and didn't acknowledge her.

         Jack had returned to his station in the bar as well, and letting go of Marlene, Sirius slinked back behind the bar to wrap an arm around the short, Jewish-looking fellow.

         ”Well, well, well. I hear you won.” It was good-natured banter, and Jack was one to take it.

         ”Bah,” the guy waved away the comment dismissively from beneath his arm. ”It wasn't me, and you know that.”

         ”Well, I hear James had some extra incitement.”

         Jack looked up, confused, before his facial expression molded into one of understanding.

         ”Oh, you mean Lily.”

         Sirius nodded.

         ”Nah, man, I think he just thought it would be fun to make the humiliation complete. I mean, not that anyone would mind Lily giving them a kiss, but still. She's been betting against him for the past three times, I think, but she's not as good as she used to. It's almost as if it's a principle to bet against him now.”

         Without knowing what to say, Sirius simply hummed, and the conversation died. Just in time, he might add.

         ”Speaking of the devil...” he nudged Jack as Lily swanned up towards the bar disk.

         ”Hey, love,” Lily said cheerfully, and Sirius tried to assess if it was possible to see smeared make-up on her face, ”A coke, please.”

         ”What, are you still on that no-alcohol trip?!” Jack engaged belligerently.

         Lily simply smiled.

         ”It's not a 'trip', Jack,” she replied sweetly, though Sirius thought he heard an edge in her voice. At the mention of the word 'trip' she made air quotations, ”You know I don't drink.”

         ”Correction, I know you don't drink when I see it.”

         The red-haired girl rolled her eyes.

         ”Well, you know I would never lie to you, Jack,” she intoned. Sirius knew that tone. It meant the conversation was over.

         ”Do I?” At the end of the question, Jack's voice rose an octave and he made a face as only Jack could, clearly not getting the message.

         In reply, she sighed and held out the money for the coke to Sirius, who smiled and said, ”Coming right up, sweetheart.”

         ”No, but really...” he heard Jack trail off behind him as he went for the coke, but just as he returned, the music changed into El Tango de Roxanne. As he put the coke on the disk in front of Lily, he failed to let go. Her eyes met his and his eyebrows went up in a silent question.

         In reply, she smiled, and soon they were on the dance floor.

         Lily and he hadn't talked in the beginning. He still wasn't sure they ever really talked; periphery held them apart, but he knew that they could dance, and perhaps that had been their first language. They moved in the same circles, tangents of the same friendships, they laughed and talked over school with cursory remarks, but they never saw each other outside campus.

         Brought together by circumstance, he'd say they liked each other, but he supposed he hadn't ever noticed her until they had danced.

         It had been some unnameable party, one of the big-scale Friday bars with an annual theme, but he didn't know which; he just remembered that the venue had changed into the big hall further down the road from where they were now. A square space had been designated for dance floor, and as his former dance partner had left him, he'd simply grabbed the closest free hand belonging to someone he knew.

         That someone had been Lily.

         Sirius had never taken lessons in ballroom dancing, but he loved watching it (something very few people knew). It had been no secret, however, that however weak his technique might be, he was strong enough to lead, and that no matter what he had expected of her initially, Lily was the perfect dance partner.

         He spun, and she lifted from the ground, flitting in and out of his arms as if they were created for that one purpose. Her skirts encircled her fully, and when she wasn't lodged in his grasp, she knew a few moves of her own.

         People had given them the space to unfold, and since then, they'd always had at least one dance per Friday.

         No one was on the dance floor now. The crowd was spread out unevenly at the tables, people who took the same courses sticking to what they knew, safer with being an audience to a game than a dance, and it suited him fine. As the first staccato notes set off, she turned her back on him, walking a few paces in front, elegantly making the most of her heels.

         Enticing him, she looked over her shoulder, a smile on her face, and he pursued. Everyone knew there was nothing between them, but he supposed they were both dramatic enough to get lost in the characters of the music when it happened.

         Up against a wall with a beer in her hand, he caught sight of Marlene and winked at her. She smiled, and he knew it was fine. Not that he had doubted that in the first place.

         Quickly, they were swinging and tango'ing and spiralling around on the dance floor, faces turning to bestow shallow glances and interested looks, and too soon it was all over. Panting, Sirius laughed and drew her in, giving her a one-armed hug and kissing her hair.

 She was smiling as he said, ”Well, dance, that we can do.”

         ”That we can do,” she agreed, picking up one of her shoes that she had apparently lost in the heat of the moment and putting it on mid-step. As they walked to the bar, he, to get back to his station, she, to get her coke, they were joined by Marlene.

         ”When are you closing tonight, Sirius?”

         OK, Marlene called him by his first name as well. The prerogative of being his girlfriend, he supposed.

         In reply, he shrugged.

         ”Ask Marcus.” A pause. ”Officially, it's at ten, but you know how it goes.”

         Marlene nodded. They had the short bars, ending at ten, the long bars, ending at 2, and those that were extended, ending whenever Marcus felt like it.

         ”How does the turnover look?” Lily asked instead, the indirect way of finding out. She liked to figure it out herself, Sirius had learned. That, and she'd never particularly warmed up to Marcus.

         ”No idea,” Sirius said, inclining his head towards Mull, ”Ask Mull.”

         Lily followed his line of sight quickly.

         ”Nah, it's OK,” she smiled.

         He hadn't thought so.

         ”I think I'll go... see what happens at the football table,” she began, taking slow steps backwards and pointing over her shoulder. Then, hurriedly, she patted him on the back, saying, ”Come find me if they play another one of our songs, OK?”

         ”OK,” Sirius promised, snaking an arm around the shoulder of Marlene and sneaking in behind the bar. Jack was standing bent over the computer, muttering something about too long a playlist.

         ”What are you looking for, Jack?”

         ”Elephant Love Medley.”

         Scrunching up his nose, Sirius tried to remember what that was.

         ”Is it a Queen song?”

         ”No, it's from Moulin Rouge.”

         When there was no sign of recognition, Jack straightened.

         ”The film that El Tango de Roxanne is also from?”

         ”Ahh,” Sirius exhaled as if he'd suddenly remembered something he was very familiar with.

         Jack shook his head and returned to the computer, running a finger down the screen.

         ”Yep, fifty-three songs from now.”

         ”Sure Marcus'll let the bar run that long.”

         ”Perhaps. You never know with Marcus.”

         ”Never know what with me?” came a demanding voice from behind, and Sirius gave an imperceptible sigh before turning around with a bright smile on his face.

         ”How long you'll let the bar run, mate.”

         Sirius had learned that most of what others couldn't say to Marcus was tolerated from him if he only pretended to be unaware enough of how annoying it was for Marcus to hear it. Marcus was a few years older than most people at their level of education and often insisted, as chairman of the bar, to be treated with a certain amount of respect. With his sailor-inspired hat and tattoos, he'd created a reputation that he liked honoured; that of a broken soul with scars enough to keep him mysterious for the rest of his life and a seriousness that didn't leave room for questioning his authority.

         Marcus was 24.

         ”Well, there aren't that many people left right now...”

         ”They'll come, you'll see,” Sirius said excitedly. It probably wasn't wrong. There was ebb and flow every Friday, and depending on the original length of the party, it changed accordingly. Today was a 10pm bar, and it was only 8. Like Lily, most of the people who came to hang, did so around this time, and they'd had a steady flow for ten minutes. Still, Marcus was right. Not many people were left at present.

         Marcus shrugged.

         ”We'll see.”

 As he left them to serve someone waving a note, Sirius and Jack exchanged a look.

         Then they returned to watch the night unravel. Wrist, despite his size, grew incredibly drunk, enough to smash into a lamp and send it shattering all over the floor. Kim eventually got her guy, but only after having gotten him so drunk through Cheat that she herself had had to go to the toilet a couple of times. Jack had used the dustbin instead, classy as he were.

         Lily and Sirius had danced again, only this time, he'd been stumbling and fumbling and dropped her on the floor once. Not as classy. He and Remus had rolled another keg into the bar, this time under Marcus's supervision. God knew how they did it. Mull insisted on continuing to play beer pong and refused to acknowledge his own defeats, instead demanding a rematch until he'd won, if only just once, so he could gloat.

         They reached and passed 10pm, and at 11pm they started ushering people out, cleaning up the place. Most people were staggering by now, although Lily, as usual, was perfectly controlled. Jack made an offhand comment about hating people who didn't drink, but the truth was, they needed her help.

         She wasn't actually obliged to help, because, unlike James, she was not elected a member of the bar. The two of them were the only ones who hung around to give a hand anyway, James because he had to, Lily, well, who knew why she did anything?

         Even Marlene had gone home, and Sirius had promised to come around hers as quickly as possible. Someone started talking about pizza, and people shouted their preferences for filling. Some of the girls, Lily and Lola in particularly, argued (one quietly, the other obnoxiously) that they might as well go to the venue. James interjected that they could eat at his flat, which was not far from the bar.

         ”Oh, come on, why would you want pizza, Lily?” Jack slurred, drunk to the point of hilarity, spewing ridiculous comments wherever he went. He'd been particularly harsh on Lily that night, but she mostly just shrugged, laughed it off or gave him a snarky retort, ”You don't eat meat anyway.”

         ”No, well, olives are just so delicious. The pizza is simply an edible spoon, Jack,” she replied patiently.

         It was clear from the raised finger that Jack was just about to say something back, when all of a sudden, he broke into a cry of joy. The playlist had finally reached the song he'd been searching for earlier, and with arms outstretched, he jumped onto the dance floor, where someone had just sweeped away all the dirt, sullying it once more.

         ”All you neeeeed is LOOVE!” he screamed, off-key. Next sentence, he was joined by James, and he excitedly welcomed him onto the imagined stage.

         Together, they sang the next line as well, but as the female voice protruded, James held back, clearly used to singing it as the man in the duet, and Jack was instead joined by a voice that was actually feminine and well-equipped to hit the notes. He opened his eyes curiously, and Sirius, as well as a pair of other people, looked to Lily. She looked around quickly, then apparently decided to ignore everyone.

         Jack desperately tried to keep in the game, but he was too drunk to sing and too sober not to acknowledge it.

         At one point, he seemed to finally give up, saying, ”Oh, can't you two just kiss already?”

         James and Lily kept singing without looking at each other, with Jack chiming in now and then, while they finished cleaning the place.

         Sirius, finding his coat, stood in the entrance for a few minutes before waving at everyone left, shouting, ”I'll see you guys tomorrow!” A couple of them shouted back, but he left before they started asking him to stay.

         Marlene was waiting for him.


End file.
